tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38115296318674778642024-03-13T13:01:16.637-04:00The Powdered WigLists on elevated subjectsAkshay Ahujahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07728111336477554136noreply@blogger.comBlogger70125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-47635469348987478262008-09-18T20:09:00.005-04:002008-09-18T20:52:21.948-04:00Top 5 Commercials That Make Me Never Want to Buy the ProductThere are two reasons for commercials: to give budding actors something to put on their resume, and to sell things. In thirty seconds, an announcer/spokesperson tells us exactly why this product will make us happy/pretty/better than anyone else. When there are a dozen different versions of toilet paper, it's up to ad executives to put together an ad that will make a viewer think, "Hey, I love that bunny! I'll buy this brand!"<br /><br />Simple, right? At the very least, just extolling the virtues of some product should be enough. Sometimes the execs get it really right and actually make something entertaining. (See <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdwrYiNJc_E">cat herder</a>.)<br /><br />Sometimes the execs take their crack a little too early in the day.<br /><br />Not only are the following commercials bad, but they actually make me never want to buy the product. Even if the actual product is okay--hey, even preferable!--these commercials have turned me off forever. These aren't just kind of annoying or lame or stupid commercials. These are opposite-commercials. The competitors might as well use them. Here's the wall of shame, in no particular order:<br /><br />1) Chips Ahoy!--"If You Want My Body"<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/VoVbv0iEejs&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/VoVbv0iEejs&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br />No. No, I don't want your body, you giant cookie. Your chocolate chips make you look like a pox victim. Your singing makes my brain dribble out of my ears. Also, how can someone have sex with a cookie? What was that tiny woman planning on doing? And if a real person eats the cookie in the end, who the hell is that tiny woman? Why is she so tiny? Is she only with the anthropomorphic cookie because he's the only one her size?<br /><br />2) Sprite--"Obey Your Thirst--and Sumo Wrestlers"<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/kMmPm1H-erk&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/kMmPm1H-erk&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object>I love Sprite. It's my soda of choice--crisp, clean refreshing. What more could I want? A fucking better ad, that's what! The idea of my face getting squished by two monochromatic sumo wrestlers freaks me out. And this is just the tip of the "Obey Your Thirst" commercial freakdom. Don't make me associate Sprite with a creepy drug trip, please.<br /><br />3) Charmin--"Ultra Strong for Ultra Poop"<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lOgnIvEmyyo&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lOgnIvEmyyo&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object>Cartoon animals selling products aren't exactly new. But I don't want them selling my toilet paper, especially when they're bears. It makes me think of really big, gross poop--the kind you take care to avoid and leave alone. (Also, if you see bear poop, you're probably going to get mauled, so that's not a good connotation either.) Plus, how many pieces of toilet paper are you walking around with? If that's a serious problem for you, you're just lazy and disgusting.<br /><br />4) Anything sold by Billy Mays--"If I Get Really Loud, You'll Buy This"<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9KBXcpJfmj4&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9KBXcpJfmj4&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object>Why is this guy selling eighteen different products? At first I thought, "Oh, it must be some cleaning product company, they're all related and just didn't want to film commercials on multiple days, so they asked the same guy to do all of them." But the slider pan? And who thought, "He'll make people excited about stuff!" More likely, he'll make me want to rip off my own head and cook mini hamburgers with that. (Although I do secretly wonder if the cleaning stuff works.)<br /><br />5) Beggin' Strips--"Dogs Can't Believe How Bad This is"<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lxBKy78eP28&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lxBKy78eP28&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object>I'm a sucker for a dog in commercials. Remember how I hated the bears and toilet paper? I love the puppy and toilet paper combination in the Cottonelle commercials. Put a puppy on something and I'm ready to buy. But these Beggin' Strips commercials have made me an animal hater. If this is what dogs sound like in their heads, I will not be able to get one. But if I do, you can be damn sure they're not getting these fake-bacon treats.<br /><br />There were some that I couldn't find commercials online for, one in particular being an old Perdue chicken commercial in which a really annoying voice sang "Pick...pick pick" over and over while a family picked on leftover chicken. This list might have a sequel if those ever pop up. Until then, I'll be drinking 7Up.anniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02035860921967576493noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-6303259200372187232008-09-02T13:29:00.016-04:002008-09-02T15:09:15.008-04:00Best Books by Indians, or About IndiaI just got back from a long trip to India, which included stints in Benares/Varanasi/Kashi and Bombay/Mumbai and Bangalore/Bengaluru. I have not really read enough to compile this list, but I am flush with enthusiasm for what is at least sort of my country. So here we go, in no particular order, some random highlights:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv1cb_3zfXxA16-dSImu6y29pVm2f451TImxjEyxuisCWfTp0LugZoCmipMP-MCNtamILD2j3BaEfa6M-F4JvCi61K8ObYJBar_qTZagDYWc2UhK1sbIf-UxIrSUeBX-RNws0QEnxu4tSX/s1600-h/IMG_0108.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv1cb_3zfXxA16-dSImu6y29pVm2f451TImxjEyxuisCWfTp0LugZoCmipMP-MCNtamILD2j3BaEfa6M-F4JvCi61K8ObYJBar_qTZagDYWc2UhK1sbIf-UxIrSUeBX-RNws0QEnxu4tSX/s320/IMG_0108.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241480373580874514" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Swami & Friends</span>, by R.K. Narayan<br /><br />The pride of South India! I have read many of his novels, but this is the only one that I really love. A great book, and I think the best novel about childhood I've ever <a href="http://occasionalreview.blogspot.com/2008/09/swami-and-friends-by-rk-narayan.html">read</a>.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJVYtAfObMJfJlxpLePCaNhNGGC_LGq1MdJzq6aNEvTGczwxedWmhtfqu3jHfaj50RITHxx6gkKUPglrlPeTHnYI3HJU9R6E2uKx2g7RyZ93FtAjlwYiqYayQDpKOmvy04xTi5AGWC7EzA/s1600-h/narayan.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJVYtAfObMJfJlxpLePCaNhNGGC_LGq1MdJzq6aNEvTGczwxedWmhtfqu3jHfaj50RITHxx6gkKUPglrlPeTHnYI3HJU9R6E2uKx2g7RyZ93FtAjlwYiqYayQDpKOmvy04xTi5AGWC7EzA/s200/narayan.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241487910643446018" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">The Tribal World of Verrier Elwin</span>, by Verrier Elwin<br /><br />Pretty much forgotten outside of India, Elwin was part of the independence struggle with Gandhi and Nehru, and then spent the rest of life living with the Gonds, the largest of India's remaining tribal peoples. His autobiography is beautifully written and surprisingly funny.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizUQZOWX5HR23Md7LMYAhhwgejfYDQZQdNtp2s7sGGj6sW0U9vPzMOT4miTNqJgCMUQQ0QdHuiHjPo39PbRATkz93yFvIB3O8veYQ4D2kvpXtOwDr7NuRUDFtFFkK-0tnZ62cp-haIT7Es/s1600-h/elwin.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizUQZOWX5HR23Md7LMYAhhwgejfYDQZQdNtp2s7sGGj6sW0U9vPzMOT4miTNqJgCMUQQ0QdHuiHjPo39PbRATkz93yFvIB3O8veYQ4D2kvpXtOwDr7NuRUDFtFFkK-0tnZ62cp-haIT7Es/s200/elwin.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241487435442748450" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Our Films, Their Films</span>, by Satyajit Ray<br /><br />The most multifaceted genius that India has produced in the modern era. In addition to making his films, he composed music, drew, and wrote some extremely good short stories, along with this collection of short essays written for newspapers. I was pretty amazed at how perceptive they are, and not just about the movies.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_w1-DSICVuqCJe0MqMWYe7GHaYeIqprGYRGdKkPs-pyjYSUto7tBjn4THdzok_kLXr1s9PlWg067A8na0ufPzFIdw8WLtx3LpTvnMJ7MWopB4-g1C-YkNCf7s-ZCcI2abqhjEVRxy0rHk/s1600-h/ray.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_w1-DSICVuqCJe0MqMWYe7GHaYeIqprGYRGdKkPs-pyjYSUto7tBjn4THdzok_kLXr1s9PlWg067A8na0ufPzFIdw8WLtx3LpTvnMJ7MWopB4-g1C-YkNCf7s-ZCcI2abqhjEVRxy0rHk/s200/ray.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241487620123159122" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">The Story of My Experiments With Truth</span>, by M. K. Gandhi<br /><br />Gandhi's autobiography, and much to my discredit the only modern book on this list not originally written in English. (It was written in Gujarati and translated by Gandhi's secretary.) Until the end, when it gets bogged down in the dated exhortations of the Independence movement, the book is pretty great. And surprisingly it's a real literary success as well - Gandhi has a talent for pacing and description and even comedy, and there are indelible passages throughout.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6YwqEvI_piDs2sBqWyldb_gtClZkS78TJh-xStDOcQ8gwz9aP2XboZ0KqYrvpJxVEpHX6yJx-JCRAeBj4KE2yyRxX3KnO7moWU_uaadH25rH5qyVfgRJ3TjigU-DhEb0S4L5tcjMyCN2P/s1600-h/gandhi.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6YwqEvI_piDs2sBqWyldb_gtClZkS78TJh-xStDOcQ8gwz9aP2XboZ0KqYrvpJxVEpHX6yJx-JCRAeBj4KE2yyRxX3KnO7moWU_uaadH25rH5qyVfgRJ3TjigU-DhEb0S4L5tcjMyCN2P/s200/gandhi.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241490224678635826" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br />India: A Wounded Civilization</span>, by V.S. Naipaul<br /><br />The best book in his trilogy on India. It's pretty much a big "fuck you" to the country, but it's too formidable and perceptive an attack to be dismissed. It also contains some of the best criticism ever written about Narayan and a surprisingly appreciative essay on Gandhi.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxE1VQzHboIOVUaGV9RkKfP0bFWMCclRV9TkvDm-9-sEE8VwmFaO8vbIHNtqGGnWgpbmAlunij6PgILrLXaMSwxA_bg8pjT5Vm1Kx6sWe-mBQz5_m1CBcIc1d3GLyLgoPsl608FLqQkB5K/s1600-h/naipaul.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxE1VQzHboIOVUaGV9RkKfP0bFWMCclRV9TkvDm-9-sEE8VwmFaO8vbIHNtqGGnWgpbmAlunij6PgILrLXaMSwxA_bg8pjT5Vm1Kx6sWe-mBQz5_m1CBcIc1d3GLyLgoPsl608FLqQkB5K/s200/naipaul.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241491768744553746" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">The Mahabharata</span>, by Vyasa<br /><br />Most people prefer <span style="font-style:italic;">The Odyssey</span> to <span style="font-style:italic;">The Iliad</span>, but among the two great Indian epics (the other is the <span style="font-style:italic;">Ramayana</span>) the battle story is by far the more interesting. I learned these stories from comic books, a TV serial, and from the Rajagopalachari translation, which is pretty solid. "One cannot understand India's way of life," Rajagopalachari says in the introduction, "unless one has read the <span style="font-style:italic;">Ramayana </span>and the <span style="font-style:italic;">Mahabharata</span>." Well, I have read both and I still don't really understand, so clearly it takes a little more...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4iVIsouVcTeY7mbXxYCmF0I2VaNdOe401tRWwIdb93Sd9Hh4hncfJ8FsCHzkwVOsBk76jwyb8dC2df3AzxQQ3QqtMv205fyLdBzv2DiiV1wA2G45mrKHWdTJapK580ms6RUKU0Cwv4x33/s1600-h/Mahabharata.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4iVIsouVcTeY7mbXxYCmF0I2VaNdOe401tRWwIdb93Sd9Hh4hncfJ8FsCHzkwVOsBk76jwyb8dC2df3AzxQQ3QqtMv205fyLdBzv2DiiV1wA2G45mrKHWdTJapK580ms6RUKU0Cwv4x33/s200/Mahabharata.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241495588830640930" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Midnight's Children</span>, by Salman Rushdie<br /><br />I'm not sure it deserves to make this list, because I'm not particularly interested in re-reading it. But it was compulsive reading for me when I first picked it up. An incredibly compelling and inventive plot - a triumph of imagination and technical wizardly, although not really of any deeper human understanding, I don't think.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6ZsqnU0UC51Law5SHuzpcbETU6aaApGFB-3aWAdXTqGUtDejQIsqg1ANPzZv3R7O6pu227LU_7li4jg9eZGBhbcu-q5ld85U83bHZf24r_c4o-tP5rxLw4ktZtKi4X9hh6O8wfM84RAyz/s1600-h/rushdie.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6ZsqnU0UC51Law5SHuzpcbETU6aaApGFB-3aWAdXTqGUtDejQIsqg1ANPzZv3R7O6pu227LU_7li4jg9eZGBhbcu-q5ld85U83bHZf24r_c4o-tP5rxLw4ktZtKi4X9hh6O8wfM84RAyz/s200/rushdie.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241498764030426802" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">The Wonder That Was India</span>, by A. L. Basham<br /><br />Um, full disclosure, I have not actually read this book. But my Dad says it's very good, and so does John Keay, whose general history of India I am currently reading. For homegrown Indian historians - who for some reason all seem to be Marxist - I have heard good things about Romila Thapar and D.D. Kosambi. I will head to the library shortly and attempt to justify these totally unsupported recommendations.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwqGR3cKuaweKUr5Cm3QDypEFgnp3t3cl6wo5oE2LWzToQbg8aF37B06L-g1M3BPsBMuLqTbHhNfw2y-pFpebFyHEznRGNGuCiXOu1uh33-IA9mRHh2huOM-PAZeLoQjkCq4FLwixdeqRj/s1600-h/ashoka_capital.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwqGR3cKuaweKUr5Cm3QDypEFgnp3t3cl6wo5oE2LWzToQbg8aF37B06L-g1M3BPsBMuLqTbHhNfw2y-pFpebFyHEznRGNGuCiXOu1uh33-IA9mRHh2huOM-PAZeLoQjkCq4FLwixdeqRj/s200/ashoka_capital.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241500255473524098" /></a><br /><br />Apologies for the complete lack of women on this list; I clearly just haven't read enough. Also, half-points go to J. G. Farrell's <span style="font-style:italic;">The Siege of Krishnapur</span>, which is a brilliant novel but is really much more about the British than it is about India. Also, I like Edwin Arnold's poem <span style="font-style:italic;">The Light of Asia</span>, about the life of the Buddha, as well as his translation of the Gita. Finally, G.V. Desani's "All About H. Hatterr" is very funny and now back in print. Keep 'em coming, Injuns and Injunphiles!Akshay Ahujahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07728111336477554136noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-18256194464731609532008-07-06T11:31:00.022-04:002008-07-06T12:28:02.351-04:00The Top Ten Movies That Take Place In Twenty-Four Hours Or Less And Entirely Within New York City<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ7_q-5HL8QwLV9Hohl3-QxhdXXZ0iFRFbgmuAtLTGoL695GhGPywOsEueyt3srq-1dQQvZ56ilrdrmsmLr6To9AALcVSCisv0iwBluDFlO3vSNThXPzqjcHhBXeSjQPM5B_CGql3nUdk/s1600-h/new-york-city-fire-escapes.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ7_q-5HL8QwLV9Hohl3-QxhdXXZ0iFRFbgmuAtLTGoL695GhGPywOsEueyt3srq-1dQQvZ56ilrdrmsmLr6To9AALcVSCisv0iwBluDFlO3vSNThXPzqjcHhBXeSjQPM5B_CGql3nUdk/s320/new-york-city-fire-escapes.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5219927210508815010" border="0" /></a><br /><br />While this list technically spans several genres (heist films dominate) all of these films deal with entrapment and liberation, and most have implicit political messages. Also, rest assured, these are not the only ten movies set in a single day in the Big Apple. Some dis/honorable mentions: <span style="font-style: italic;">Phone Booth, Panic Room, World Trade Center, Night At The Museum, My Dinner With Andre, Kids</span>.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSSL4tbG96uHjcEU7efUyUGvtB7bbXuOKTEI2QBvrrpR1jHMAr5RzkgCZfsl8b8ahWa4JQ5D-r8KsMwABPrlyut-smgxqcthkerTtzp62VTKZw_d5NmTJh_SaTiE-aHBLC1Gun5GSMLss/s1600-h/006885_54.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSSL4tbG96uHjcEU7efUyUGvtB7bbXuOKTEI2QBvrrpR1jHMAr5RzkgCZfsl8b8ahWa4JQ5D-r8KsMwABPrlyut-smgxqcthkerTtzp62VTKZw_d5NmTJh_SaTiE-aHBLC1Gun5GSMLss/s320/006885_54.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5219932386378603570" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">10. Booty Call</span> (1997). Starring Oscar-nominated actor Jamie Foxx and Razzie-nominated actress Vivica A. Fox, this is a raunchy slapstick farce about dating in the 1990s. The funniest sequence involves a prolonged search for contraception in Chinatown. It falls apart a bit towards the end, as most farces do, but Foxx and Fox as the two no-good playas named “Bunz” and “Lysterine” carry the film.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9gNGuoBrvhmnKGmlzZCC7kLMiFN_mybNUNMVUd45eDhMfiM2d_7-ayrRS4XBxWrFX7VuSZPy3WzjYJv4MfW5xhVvdOZLBEpzEDQk_6Gw4pFafiuBeVr8VRr3dhhB0k9J7Uk3oUFd3VIs/s1600-h/quick_change.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9gNGuoBrvhmnKGmlzZCC7kLMiFN_mybNUNMVUd45eDhMfiM2d_7-ayrRS4XBxWrFX7VuSZPy3WzjYJv4MfW5xhVvdOZLBEpzEDQk_6Gw4pFafiuBeVr8VRr3dhhB0k9J7Uk3oUFd3VIs/s320/quick_change.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5219927529037770402" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">9. Quick Change </span>(1990). An underviewed, underrated comedic heist movie starring Bill Murray, Randy Quaid, and Geena Davis as a trio of bank robbers who can’t escape the five boroughs. Murray was co-director and does some fine work in a clown suit. Legend of the stage and screen Jason Robards also stars. The film could be seen as an homage to semi-comedic seventies -24hrs/all NYC pics like <span style="font-style: italic;">The Taking of the Pelham 1-2-3</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Dog Day Afternoon</span> (see below), as Robards resembles Matthau’s character in the former and the final scene at the airport is reminiscent of the latter.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://cineleet.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/escape-cover.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://cineleet.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/escape-cover.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br />8. Escape from New York </span>(1981). The year is 1997. Manhattan is a maximum-security prison. Air Force One has crash-landed on the island, and the President is being held hostage by the inmates. The hang-gliding con “Snake” Plissken (Kurt Russell) has twenty-three hours to rescue the President and get off the island. As a college student, I spent a lot of time in NYC in the late 1990s, and trust me, this movie captures that time and place perfectly.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgctE4Cw5rIrYj28-SEUYR-Q-TR1btJHV39a4sYZKg2MBqAFVyULS1BYfOGIUxiys1wcveDRFEBRerOaWlKVA5VmipIM3j968H2Rr4LSusT2yvvLY2Z8m41rZbyF6PQgHWU5VSE18bxU30/s1600-h/afterhours1985dvdripxviwe4.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgctE4Cw5rIrYj28-SEUYR-Q-TR1btJHV39a4sYZKg2MBqAFVyULS1BYfOGIUxiys1wcveDRFEBRerOaWlKVA5VmipIM3j968H2Rr4LSusT2yvvLY2Z8m41rZbyF6PQgHWU5VSE18bxU30/s320/afterhours1985dvdripxviwe4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5219931014038359842" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">7. After Hours</span> (1985). There’s no such thing as bad pizza, bad sex, or a bad Scorcese movie. Sure, some might seem lousy when compared to the finest stuff, but you’ll enjoy it all the same. (With the possible exceptions of Domino’s, that regrettable night junior year of college, and <span style="font-style: italic;">The Aviator</span>.) The movie is almost like a video game—follow the hero through the streets of New York as he tries to get home, staying mindful of the amount of money in his pocket and the time on the clock. Also, keep an eye out for the cameos (Bronson Pinchot, Teri Garr, Cheech & Chong), and enjoy this more light-hearted entry in the Scorcese oeuvre.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq8-zin_XrD-FUHlq8SdNRN3omTH4-F_C7v_WqoFIGUsUENbSerInEp_BJD04MpvppNTw_vY0AEO8ToSUk2J4OiWiec3yQnWxciRaqevUMJ-_yCbb2Co3h_KsO1a1WmNikyc6G90aI4B8/s1600-h/Taking_Pelham_123_FSM80123-754101.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq8-zin_XrD-FUHlq8SdNRN3omTH4-F_C7v_WqoFIGUsUENbSerInEp_BJD04MpvppNTw_vY0AEO8ToSUk2J4OiWiec3yQnWxciRaqevUMJ-_yCbb2Co3h_KsO1a1WmNikyc6G90aI4B8/s320/Taking_Pelham_123_FSM80123-754101.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5219928840866124754" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />6. The Taking of Pelham One Two Three</span> (1974). A hi-jacked subway car. Walter Matthau. Jerry Stiller. Lots of bell bottoms and a funky-ass score. Can’t beat that with a bat.<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsf8A9KL6CHA1SNx80D-QhluBgypchlnO8XZ6feng0y3qvGn__cfE6KfcfI8uYe0pGU1OEy2Yu8oPIsNVuNnkduN6lKvi4R3KAPbg-SqaTFodkUJRakNgsVK2TCb_Y3wVZyG4rx5DLppA/s1600-h/The25thHour_1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsf8A9KL6CHA1SNx80D-QhluBgypchlnO8XZ6feng0y3qvGn__cfE6KfcfI8uYe0pGU1OEy2Yu8oPIsNVuNnkduN6lKvi4R3KAPbg-SqaTFodkUJRakNgsVK2TCb_Y3wVZyG4rx5DLppA/s320/The25thHour_1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5219930432606730130" border="0" /></a><br /><br />5. The 25th Hour </span>(2002). Spike Lee Joints could dominate this list, as <span style="font-style: italic;">Inside Man</span> is also a -24hrs/all NYC film (although sticklers could point out that it technically breaks this rule with a two-weeks-later epilogue), and his finest film of all clearly deserves top honors (see below). But this sober account of Edward Norton’s last day of freedom before heading upstate to serve out a seven-year prison sentence is bleak but satisfying. Just as Scorcese dwells on Men and Clans, and Spielberg focuses on Little Boys Lost, Lee’s movies are invariably about Adrift Men Who Face A Reckoning. Like Malcolm and Mookie, Monty is a guy who’s wasted a lot of time squandering his gifts, and now faces a decision about whether and how to do the right thing.<br /><br /><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_6-qedHCFco5rP3XPrTkQ1J66f1lR48N_H30CUjfDo9kMEXXKJmN8bVMvqRpZmqH5BCQwUHwYZy5h-qJDePBikcYf11sLEGNkODN_CRnUpvw3P8NcTCpPskkvDPm4MNLX-LTYpmYdLy8/s320/sjff_01_img0508.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5219931700140204050" border="0" /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. Twelve Angry Men</span> (1957). Sidney Lumet, a man whose love for filming New York rivaled Woody Allen, somehow managed to inject shots of the city into his first film, the all-indoors jury room drama, Twelve Angry Men. Bringing a shot of the Woolworth building into the action is a way of reminding the viewer that claustrophobic, smoke-filled jury rooms city monuments as well, as they are civic spaces that hopefully demonstrate the best of the city’s citizens.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtxuN7qtSumzwYKZX42Sqiqc4Y9QXdUiZdYyU7yoHOGefXnX3cxDMCOCROMctmRjD5NFbwwAI9dSTKMrTpfQnMWWKcbOyPflb9cU89iSzA1jBE2WSRoT0qUgALF7M7CdOQgi0kQAfRX08/s1600-h/Rope+pic+2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtxuN7qtSumzwYKZX42Sqiqc4Y9QXdUiZdYyU7yoHOGefXnX3cxDMCOCROMctmRjD5NFbwwAI9dSTKMrTpfQnMWWKcbOyPflb9cU89iSzA1jBE2WSRoT0qUgALF7M7CdOQgi0kQAfRX08/s320/Rope+pic+2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5219932617689880178" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. Rope</span> (1948). Let’s say you and your gay lover decide to murder an old schoolmate for a thrill, a la Leopold and Loeb. What would make it more fun? Why not invite his family over to your tony apartment and serve them dinner while his corpse is in a chest in the living room? Oh, yes, and don’t forget to invite your creepy Nietzsche-spouting teacher (a miscast J-J-Jimmy Stewart) and engage him on the topic of the perfect murder. And if you’re director Alfred Hitchcock, why not add to challenge and have it appear to take place in nearly one seamless shot? As with Twelve Angry Men, New York is only really seen through a window, but it has a tangible presence all the same. The intricate, glowing background model of the city plays a crucial role, as it demonstrates the thematic descent in darkness.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwvHdoK0zKOdSt3yyBybAhgjF2mbmJL5vuSMEtC8Ort4okV2VUiA_Zg3ZDRhZ7TMHqzWPlAg8gRtfmWKugcBUphKM1504qQ3I_vWsL_ntulaCKSTUkBcFl27cTsWXOIFeHPkrSESuv0qs/s1600-h/DogDayAfternoonPacino01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwvHdoK0zKOdSt3yyBybAhgjF2mbmJL5vuSMEtC8Ort4okV2VUiA_Zg3ZDRhZ7TMHqzWPlAg8gRtfmWKugcBUphKM1504qQ3I_vWsL_ntulaCKSTUkBcFl27cTsWXOIFeHPkrSESuv0qs/s320/DogDayAfternoonPacino01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5219933253197839298" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. Dog Day Afternoon</span> (1975). Let’s say you and your gay lover decide he needs a sex change operation. Makes you a little less gay, I suppose, but the real question is: how are you going to pay for it? By robbing a bank, of course. When that turns into an armed standoff/impromptu gay-rights demonstration, I guess the only appropriate thing for the bank robber (Al Pacino) to do is to compare his plight a recent infamous prison riot. Does any of this raucous comic-tragedy (filmed lovingly, once again, by Sidney Lumet) make any sense? Of course not. But it’s a true story, man. It was the fucking seventies, man. Attica!!!!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOVBaI9KcXk4dNIcbaYcQPabaiuZrXiz9Qfjxf7VNCnErFW8ZSktx-ZzlvWrxHJzA1H1CBcfsY-PBYSvnOdHfOHZFEYSlwRpoZvEBqzBlP-knj0Eb2IQMRPgtf2eJwLxCw-y9ncDUfMj4/s1600-h/DoTheRightThingRadioMookie%5B1%5D.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOVBaI9KcXk4dNIcbaYcQPabaiuZrXiz9Qfjxf7VNCnErFW8ZSktx-ZzlvWrxHJzA1H1CBcfsY-PBYSvnOdHfOHZFEYSlwRpoZvEBqzBlP-knj0Eb2IQMRPgtf2eJwLxCw-y9ncDUfMj4/s320/DoTheRightThingRadioMookie%5B1%5D.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5219929315760290962" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. Do The Right Thing</span> (1989). Bedford-Stuyvesant reaches a boil on the hottest day of the year. Lee’s Brooklyn is hyper-saturated and scorching. The bricks glow red, the sidewalks shimmer, pizza slices glisten, and the graffiti is all in gloriously late-80s day-glo. Excellent performances from Giancarlo Esposito and Danny Aiello. Radio Rahim picks up where Pacino left off, setting off a Brooklyn riot that is of course fundamentally about race but is superficially about Mookie’s hatred of the Boston Celtics and Rahim’s constitutional right to split eardrums with his boom box. Does any of this make any sense? Well, yes, it does, especially when you consider that the small and seemingly trivial symbols are often the flash points of racial and cultural conflicts. Furthermore, it was the fucking eighties, dude. Fight the Power!!!!Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01380828909591225099noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-13599072749708628942008-04-17T21:06:00.008-04:002008-04-18T11:41:21.547-04:008 Terrible Movies Shown On Cable TV With Unnacountable Frequency<strong>8. <em>The Wedding Singer </em>(1998).</strong> Yeah, yeah, it's a reasonably successful ($80 million) Adam Sandler romantic comedy, and cable TV loves Drew Barrymore. But still: why is this on just about every weekend, while fellow '90s Sandler mediocrity <em>Big Daddy</em> collects more and more dust each year? <em>Big Daddy</em> made $160 million! Apparently our overlords at VH1, TBS, and USA have decided that "The Wedding Singer" is the film for America to remember. Catch it on the <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120888/tvschedule">Saturday after next</a> on VH1.<br /><br /><div><div><strong>6. (tie) <em>Daredevil </em>(2003), <em>The Punisher</em> (2004). </strong>On the surface, this isn't so surprising, since the American public's appetite for mediocre movies based on comic books is apparently endless. But these movies were laughingstocks from the beginning: <em>Daredevil</em>, along with <em>Reindeer Games</em>, will continue to serve as a Ben Affleck career punchline for the next twent years (OK, OK, I guess <em>Armageddon</em>, <em>Changing Lanes</em>, or just about any Affleck movie could probably serve as a Ben Affleck punchline. Still: the point stands). </div><div> </div><div><a href="http://www.newsarama.com/movies/Punisher/Tom_Jane_as_The_Punisher_pic1.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.newsarama.com/movies/Punisher/Tom_Jane_as_The_Punisher_pic1.jpg" border="0" /></a><em>The Punisher</em>, meanwhile, featured a star-not-making performance by someone named <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005048/">Thomas Jane</a>, who spent waaaay too much time in the weight room preparing for this role only to find himself, two years later, eking by with guest appearences on CBS's "Medium." Fat-faced John Travolta is also around, smirking unconvincingly, wearing a black suit with a black shirt and a black tie (get it? He's BAD!), and collecting his check. </div><br /><div>In any case, despite Affleck, Jennifer Garner, and major summer-movie hype, <em>Daredevil </em>raked in just $78 million at the box office. <em>The Punisher</em>, in a comically feeble performance for a comic book movie, made just $33 million. People just don't want to watch these terrible movies. But don't tell FX, which is showing <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0287978/tvschedule">both</a> of <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330793/tvschedule">them</a> before the month is out (in fact, if you're free on Sunday April 27, you can see both on the same day!). It's mysterious to me why they both get oodles of cable TV love, while the flawed-but-semi-interesting Ang Lee/Eric Bana <em>Hulk</em> is mercilessly mocked and very infrequently shown...</div><div><br /><strong>3. (three way tie) <em>Navy Seals </em>(1990), <em>U.S. Marshals</em> (1998), <em>S.W.A.T</em>. (2003).</strong> Even more than Drew Barrymore, cable TV <em>loves</em> action movies about military or police units, especially when the movies have simple titles reflecting those same military or police units. I have some can't-miss <a href="http://www.lovefilm.com/lovefilm/images/products/1/2881-large.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 137px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 212px" height="234" alt="" src="http://www.lovefilm.com/lovefilm/images/products/1/2881-large.jpg" border="0" /></a>ideas for Hollywood: how about Mark Wahlberg in <em>U.S. Army</em>? Ed Norton in <em>Homeland Security</em>? Ashton Kutcher in <em>Coast Guard</em>? Wait a minute -- they made that last movie, except they stupidly called it "<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0406816/">The Guardian</a>." Now we never get to watch it on Spike!</div><br /><div>Anyway, there's not much to be said for (or, really, about) any of these films. I'll nominate <em>Navy Seals</em> as the most watchable of the three, simply beacuse of the inevitable Charlie Sheen-as-crazy-early '90s-wildman sighting. Is there anything more tame, or less threatening, than Charlie sheen as a crazy early '90s wildman? In this movie, if I remember right, Sheen demonstrates his "wild and rebellious" side early on, primarily by carrying on excessively in his Jeep convertible.</div><br /><div>If you're in the mood for a military-police action movie with a military-police organization title, you can check out <em>Navy Seals</em> <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100232/tvschedule">on AMC </a>this weekend, or <em>S.W.A.T.</em> <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0257076/tvschedule">on FX</a> Somehow <em>U.S. Marshals</em> isn't on TV for the next two weeks... get ready for a triple-bill in May!</div><br /><div><strong>1. (tie) <em>The Wedding Planner</em> (2001), <em>How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days</em> (2003). </strong>Matthew McConaughey! Matthew McConaughey! Matthew McConaughey! This guy knows how to get himself on cable TV. If he ever did a romantic comedy with Drew Barrymore, I think they'd have to start a totally new network devoted strictly to screening and re-screening that movie. </div><br /><div><a href="http://www.independentcritics.com/images/how%20to%20lose%20a%20guy%20in%2010%20days%20SPLASH.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.independentcritics.com/images/how%20to%20lose%20a%20guy%20in%2010%20days%20SPLASH.jpg" border="0" /></a>Both of these movies did pretty well at the box office, but really... do they justify this kind of treatment? If I have to channel-surf past that brutal <em>Wedding Planner </em>scene where McConaughey and J-Lo 'accidentally' take dance lessons together one more time, I think I'll spontaneously combust. McConaughey plays a doctor in this movie. A fucking doctor! (This would rate highly on a possible future list of 'Most Implausible Performances By Hollywood Actors Playing Characters With Advanced Degrees'). <em>How To Lose A Guy... </em>was a bigger hit, I think, but that doesn't explain why it is literally on TV once every two weeks. It's like you're watching an actual TV series or something, except the show bounces around between TNT, USA, TBS, AMC, FX, etc, and in every single episode Matthew McConaughey takes Kate Hudson to the fucking Knicks game, only to miss the buzzer-beating shot. Man, that's frustrating! I need to watch it again in two weeks!</div><br /><div>Fortunately, I'm in luck. <em>How To Lose A Guy... </em>is actually airing (twice!) <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0251127/tvschedule">on USA</a> next week. </div></div>Matt Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18438682788288318306noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-5999890545709534352008-03-18T17:18:00.007-04:002008-03-19T11:01:17.469-04:00Best Unfinished Works of ArtI've always loved that Borges story about the author facing the firing squad to whom God grants a year to himself to finish his play (just in his own mind, in the half-second before the bullets are fired). Standing in that courtyard, he completes the play mentally to his satisfaction, and the guns go off as soon as he gets the last line right. Anyway, it got me thinking about great incomplete works of art. Here are some that I like:<br /><br />1. <span style="font-style:italic;">9th Symphony</span>, Anton Bruckner<br /><br />Possibly my favorite symphony. Bruckner left some sketches for the last movement but they are apparently not nearly as good as the first three (he was pretty sick at the time). I recommend the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FBruckner-Symphony-No-ed-Nowak%2Fdp%2FB000026CWK&tag=theoccasion04-20&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325">cheap and wonderful Tintner recording</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=theoccasion04-20&l=ur2&o=1" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important;" />on Naxos, if anyone is curious.<br /><br />2. <span style="font-style:italic;">The Castle</span>, Franz Kafka<br /><br />He never actually finished a novel, did he? <span style="font-style:italic;">The Trial</span> does at least have a conclusion written, and one could imagine him filling in the gaps pretty easily. I'm not sure how this novel could end, though.<br /><br />3. <span style="font-style:italic;">The Triumph of Life</span>, Percy Shelley<br /><br />Written on loose scraps of paper, and covered with sketches of the boat that he would soon die in (with Keats's poems in his pocket). I also love the famous little <a href="http://rpo.library.utoronto.ca/poem/1882.html">"To the Moon" fragment</a>...<br /><br />4. <a href="http://www.tate.org.uk/servlet/ViewWork?workid=14822&tabview=image"><span style="font-style:italic;">Norham Castle, Sunrise</span></a>, Joseph Turner<br /><br />Part of a huge collection of canvases that he never finished. I believe he also left behind a huge sheaf of dirty drawings that were only recently discovered.<br /><br />5. <span style="font-style:italic;">The First Man</span>, Albert Camus<br /><br />Found handwritten next to him in the car that he crashed in and published decades later. It would have been a masterpiece, and even as it stands is my <a href="http://occasionalreview.blogspot.com/2007/03/first-man-by-albert-camus.html">favorite book by Camus</a>.<br /><br />6. <span style="font-style:italic;">I'll Keep It With Mine</span>, Bob Dylan<br /><br />I refer to the stopgap version on the 2nd volume of the bootleg series. I realize that there is a "completed" piano version, but it is not nearly as good as this was about to get before he stopped recording. <span style="font-style:italic;">She's Your Lover Now</span> is a damn great fragment as well.<br /><br />7. <span style="font-style:italic;">In Search of Lost Time</span>, Marcel Proust<br /><br />Very close to done, but there are still huge unincorporated chunks, characters that die and reappear, and other little humps that Proust could have fixed if he'd had another year or two. This should probably be higher on the list than, say, a single Dylan song, but let's ignore that.<br /><br />8. <span style="font-style:italic;">Quartettsatz</span>, Franz Schubert<br /><br />A lovely first movement for string quartet. That symphony he never finished is good too.<br /><br />9. <span style="font-style:italic;">Last Essays</span>, George Orwell<br /><br />His wonderful essay on Waugh breaks off mid-sentence, and the unpublished drafts of things like "Such, Such Were the Joys" are some of the greatest things he ever wrote. He really deserved a little more time. But then I suppose he did already survive being shot through the neck.Akshay Ahujahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07728111336477554136noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-85214148847076960642008-01-11T10:44:00.000-05:002008-01-12T22:42:26.356-05:00Best Story SongsThe only rule was that there had to be a fairly coherent narrative that was continued from verse to verse. And I left off show tunes since the narrative isn't entirely contained within the song.<br /><br />1. Johnny Cash, <span style="font-style:italic;">The Streets of Laredo</span><br /><br />A traditional song, but it's entirely his - especially the cover on American IV. Cash changes the lyrics a little - the cowboy has been shot instead of cut down by a venereal disease - but the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Streets_of_Laredo_(song)">original lyrics</a> would have spoiled the mood, as venereal diseases so often do. Cash's cover of <span style="font-style:italic;">Long Black Veil</span> might also belong on this list, despite the fact that he starts laughing in the middle (another mood spoiler).<br /><br />2. The Wrens, <span style="font-style:italic;">13 Months in 6 Minutes</span><br /><br />This song has one of the best sets of lyrics I've ever seen - even if you have to read the liner notes to follow them at all, since they are mumbled and low in the mix.<br /><br />3. Joni Mitchell, <span style="font-style:italic;">Green</span><br /><br />Pretty heartbreaking. <br /><br />4. Bruce Springsteen, <span style="font-style:italic;">The River</span><br /><br />Another unbearably sad story. Story songs tend to be either incredibly sad or funny. As a corrective that doesn't merit being on this list, here is Ray Stevens singing <a href="http://www.ziplo.com/grandpa.htm">I Am My Own Grandpa.</a><br /><br />5. Loretta Lynn, <span style="font-style:italic;">Van Lear Rose</span><br /><br />A love story about her own parents. Country music seems to be the only genre (with the possible exception of rap) that doesn't seem to have given up on the story song.<br /><br />6. Outkast, <span style="font-style:italic;">Da Art of Storytellin' (Part I)</span><br /><br />Actually two stories back to back - its place on the list is largely merited by Andre 3000s contribution (the second verse).<br /><br />7. Bob Dylan, <span style="font-style:italic;">Clothes Line Saga</span><br /><br />I realize that Dylan has probably written "better" story songs, but I can rarely listen to Hurricane or even 115th Dream without wishing them a little shorter (Lily + whatever + Jack of Hearts I skip entirely) - this song I always listen to, and I can't imagine anyone else even trying to imitate it, let alone write it. <br /><br />8. Townes van Zandt, <span style="font-style:italic;">Pancho and Lefty</span><br /><br />His version at the Old Quarter is far superior to every cover I've heard.<br /><br />9. John Prine, <span style="font-style:italic;">6 o'clock News</span><br /><br />Prine is another great narrative songwriter. The song follows a boy from birth to death ("Wanda had a baby, in 1951 / the father was a stranger, a stranger was the son") - with each repetition of the chorus going back to the moment of the boy's conception ("C'mon baby, spend the night with me"). <br /><br />10. Ron Sexsmith, <span style="font-style:italic;">Strawberry Blonde</span><br /><br />Another tale of childhood, happier this time -- seeing a girl from elementary school years later grown up with her own child. The element of time can lend story songs a special poignancy that can't quite be duplicated by non-narrative lyrics, I think.<br /><br />11. Gillian Welch, <span style="font-style:italic;">One More Dollar</span><br /><br />A tale that everyone can relate to - an early frost prevents us from getting work picking fruit trees, and so we turn unwisely to gambling to try to pay our way back home.<br /><br />12. Richard Thompson, <span style="font-style:italic;">Beeswing</span><br /><br />A gorgeous gorgeous song. It's pretty amazing how long he's been good.<br /><br />13. Guy Clark, <span style="font-style:italic;">Let Him Roll</span><br /><br />A little sappy, but everyone needs that sometimes. "It was white port wine that put that look in his eyes, that grown men get when they need to cry..."<br /><br />14. Pulp, <span style="font-style:italic;">Disco 2000<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br /><br />It is dangerous to attach a year to a song, but for some reason it works on me even more now, since I have to think about how long ago I listened to it. Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?Akshay Ahujahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07728111336477554136noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-33448903370720735952007-12-21T19:39:00.000-05:002007-12-21T23:28:53.969-05:0010 Most Awesome Moustaches In History<em>Some of my friends and I are going to enjoy a mustachioed New Year's Eve, and in honor of our approaching festivities, I thought I'd compile a list of the ten baddest moustaches in history. Let's get started:</em><br /><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><br /><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.librarising.com/astrology/celebs/images2/A/adolfhitler.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 95px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 128px" height="227" alt="" src="http://www.librarising.com/astrology/celebs/images2/A/adolfhitler.jpg" border="0" /></a>10. Adolf Hitler. I wanted to keep him of this list, but it would be dishonest. The slim shrub of hair on his upper lip barely counts as a moustache--it's more like a northerly soul patch than anything else. And yet Hitler owns it. In the sixty years since Hitler's death, no one has worn "the Hitler" except Hitler impersonators. No other facial hair style can possibly evoke such horror.</div><div> </div></div><div><div><br /><br /></div><div><a href="http://cache.viewimages.com/xc/3396421.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=DAC7A34C488C04DFCE48C08B00231836A55A1E4F32AD3138"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 99px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 133px" height="142" alt="" src="http://cache.viewimages.com/xc/3396421.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=DAC7A34C488C04DFCE48C08B00231836A55A1E4F32AD3138" border="0" /></a>9. Joseph Stalin. Let's dispense with the dictators. Martin Amis has a terrific passage in <em>Koba The Dread</em> where he compares the evils of "The Big Moustache and the Little Moustache." Brief recap: Hitler was worse, but Stalin's moustache was better. </div><div><br /></div><div>Trivia for all of you: name three current world leaders with moustaches. Answer in white text on this line. <span style="color:#ffffff;">Pervez Musharraf (Pakistan), Mahmoud Abbas (Palestine), Joseph Kabila (Democratic Republic of the Congo).</span> </div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.logoi.com/notes/img/genghis-khan.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 105px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 144px" height="220" alt="" src="http://www.logoi.com/notes/img/genghis-khan.jpg" border="0" /></a>8. Genghis Khan. Damn, what is it with moustaches and evil conquering assholes? I'm guessing that Genghis didn't actually, uh, sit for this portrait -- and some representations of him show a full beard -- but I'm going to give it to him anyway. That mean slope on those whiskers says only one thing: Tatars of the steppe, you better watch your motherfucking backs.<br /><br /><br /><br /></div></div><br /><div><a href="http://mog.com/pictures/wikipedia/12731/460px-George_Harrison_1974.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 102px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 141px" height="211" alt="" src="http://mog.com/pictures/wikipedia/12731/460px-George_Harrison_1974.jpg" border="0" /></a>7. George Harrison. Not all moustaches are bloodthirsty. Who could be a better antidote to Adolf, Josef, and Genghis than The Mildest Beatle? Lots of rockers attempted the long-hair-and-stache look in the mid-70s, but few wore it better than the Dark Horse.<br /><br /><br /><br /></div><br /><div><a href="http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y190/bbbbblog/fingers.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 116px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 126px" height="169" alt="" src="http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y190/bbbbblog/fingers.jpg" border="0" /></a>5. Rollie Fingers. The first closer in baseball was also the owner of the best moustache in sports history. Grab a hold of them handlebars, baby!</div><br /><div>Trivia: who was the last MVP of each major pro league (NFL, MLB, NBA) with a moustache? (Answers in white). <span style="color:#ffffff;">NFL: Randall Cunningham, Minnesota Vikings, 1998. MLB: Jeff Kent, San Francisco Giants, 1990. NBA: Karl Malone, Utah Jazz, 1999.</span><br /></div></div><div><div></div><div><a href="http://z.about.com/d/americanhistory/1/0/u/9/27_taft_1.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 102px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 131px" height="218" alt="" src="http://z.about.com/d/americanhistory/1/0/u/9/27_taft_1.jpg" border="0" /></a>4. William Howard Taft. Eveybody talks about Teddy Roosevelt, but Taft was our last president with facial hair. His moustache also kicks the hell out of T.R.'s comparatively feeble whiskers. Who doesn't love a fat man with a bushy mustache? It's possible that William Howard Taft came closer to looking like an actual walrus than any human being in human history. </div><br /><div><br />Trivia: who was the last major-party presidential candidate to wear a moustache? (Answer in white) <span style="color:#ffffff;">Thomas Dewey, 1948.</span><br /></div><br /><div><br /><a href="http://static.flickr.com/98/280018371_012d3a929c.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 105px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 146px" height="247" alt="" src="http://static.flickr.com/98/280018371_012d3a929c.jpg" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://images.art.com/images/-/Tom-Selleck---Magnum-PI--C10102602.jpeg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 108px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 139px" height="187" alt="" src="http://images.art.com/images/-/Tom-Selleck---Magnum-PI--C10102602.jpeg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /></div><br /><div>3. (Tie) Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck. The Bandit vs. Magnum, P.I. Smoldering machismo vs. smoldering machismo. The '70s stache vs. the '80s stache. Burt's whiskers have a <a href="http://burtsstache.blogspot.com/">blog</a>; Tom's have a <a href="http://www.myspace.com/tomsellecksmoustache">rock band</a>. How do you choose? You don't. You sleep with both of them.</div><div><br />Incidentally, both Burt and Tom won serious cred by holding onto their whiskers well past the period of fashionability. Tom wore his well into the '90s--including his memorable guest-stint on "Friends"--and Burt was still sporting one as of the latest "Dukes of Hazzard" movie. These aren't fly-by-night facial-hair phonies, people. These are Men of the Moustache. </div><br /><div>Trivia: Who was the last man to collect the Academy Award for Best Actor while wearing a moustache? (Answer in white). <span style="color:#ffffff;">F. Murray Abraham, "Amadeus," 1984. Paul Newman may or may not have been wearing a moustache in 1986, when he won for "The Color of Money," but he didn't show up to the ceremony.</span> </div><div><br /><a href="http://www.chgs.umn.edu/museum/responses/trachtman/images/13A.JPG"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 122px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 143px" height="178" alt="" src="http://www.chgs.umn.edu/museum/responses/trachtman/images/13A.JPG" border="0" /></a>1. Otto von Bismarck. I guess you could go with Chaplin or Dali or Zappa here, but while those guys were probably all assholes, the #1 moustache should go to an asshole who made war. Moustaches are apparently much more belligerent than watching a lot of gay porn might lead you to believe: Hitler, Stalin, Genghis Kahn, Bismark, Saddam Hussein, and the list goes on. I have a feeling I'm going to start acting like a total cock on New Years' Eve for no apparent reason.<br /></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Matt Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18438682788288318306noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-23179234312525739372007-12-13T14:20:00.000-05:002007-12-13T15:04:08.548-05:00Top Five Music Videos for 1980s movie theme songsThe movie theme song music video is a delicate art, and the 80s were a pioneering time in their development. There are many <br /><br />5. Huey Lewis and the News, "The Power of Love," from <i>Back to the Future</i>. The video has a two minute intro featuring Doc Brown arriving at a Huey Lewis show in the Delorean. Enough said.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/wFaXTcR4dtE&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wFaXTcR4dtE&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object><br /><br />4. Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes, "Time of My Life," from <i>Dirty Dancing</i>. What is awesome about this video is that I can watch it and never feel the need to ever see <i>Dirty Dancing</i>, ever.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/i0bzJT61kuo&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/i0bzJT61kuo&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object><br /><br />3. Kenny Loggins, "(Highway to the) Danger Zone", from <i>Top Gun</i>. Kenny Loggins + Fighter Jets = Awesome. Also: Iceman and Goose.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Y1a_ikfUico&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Y1a_ikfUico&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object><br /><br />2. Survivor, "Eye of the Tiger", from <i>Rocky III</i>. Sadly, I can't find the actual Survivor video on Youtube, but it is on <a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1861512796526677598&q=Survivor+Eye+of+the+Tiger&total=1127&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=6">google video (possibly from China)</a>. It features the members of Survivor walking in time down the street while singing the song, and is reasonably awesome. Even more awesome, however, is the opening montage from <i>Rocky III</i>, depicted below, in which Rocky, now the champion, goes soft doing American Express ads and appearing on the Muppet Show while Clubber Lang (Mr. T) does some serious ass-kicking. You see, it is Clubber Lang, and not Rocky, who has the eye of the tiger by the end of the montage.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/LrOawFUdFfU&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/LrOawFUdFfU&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object><br /><br />1. John Parr, "St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion)" from <i>St. Elmo's Fire.</i> The movie itself is a self-indulgent, taking-itself-way-too-seriously Joel Schumacher-directed tale of post-college life of a group of friends in 1980s Georgetown, which gave rise to the term "Brat Pack" for its cast (Rob Lowe, Demi Moore, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, Andrew McCarthy, Emilio Estevez, Mare Winningham). The song is a fairly standard 80s anthem, apparently originally written as the theme song for some guy in a wheel-chair who was at the time going around the world to spread awareness for spinal cord injuries. The video is particularly awesome, featuring the perfect blend of scenes from the movie and shots of the ridiculous John Parr. Be sure to watch to the end, which features John Parr chilling out with the characters.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jVf4_WglzWA&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/jVf4_WglzWA&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05009426117638986845noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-12257878936930384542007-12-10T19:41:00.000-05:002007-12-10T23:04:19.920-05:0010 Great Novel EndingsDidn't some great critic or sage once say that the worst part of every great novel was its ending? That it's impossible, and artificial, to depart so abruptly from a rich world that has just been created? Or something like that. Maybe so, but here are 10 of my favorite such departures--and perhaps the best rebuttal to the 'anti-ending' argument I could come up with...<br /><br />(Note: I'm using a liberal definition of "ending"--I don't just mean the final page or chapter necessarily, but the way the author takes leave of the larger universe of the novel. Although a smashing final page or line doesn't hurt, either.)<br /><br />10. John O'Hara, <em>Appointment In Samarra</em>. O'Hara's hero, Julian English, completes his self-destruction in the final chapter. After mixing a highball drink in an enormous flower vase, he lurches into the garage and poisons himself with CO2 -- while semi-consciously regretting his actions the entire time. Has to be one of the best and most sensitive suicide scenes in literature.<br /><br />9. Frank Norris, <em>McTeague</em>. It's impossible to render the context for this one fairly, but suffice it to say it involves a man handcuffed to the corpse of his former best friend, dying of thirst in the middle of Death Valley. Hard to beat for pure brutality, anyway.<br /><br />8. Thomas Hardy, <em>Tess of the D'urbervilles</em>. Hardy wrote a lot of great endings, and I was tempted to go for the near-triple drowning in <em>Return of the Native... </em>but nothing beats Stonehenge (yes, that counts as part of the ending sequence). I guess it's probably inevitable that a best-endings-of-all-time list would have considerable overlap with a favorite-books-of-all-time list.<br /><br />7. Martin Amis, <em>Time's Arrow</em>. I read this thinking it was more or less an exercise in cheerful gimmickry. The ending (or the last quarter or so of the book) got me pretty good. Back, back, into the darkness. <br /> <br />6. Jane Austen, <em>Persuasion</em>. Gut-punch tragedies have a natural advantage over happy endings, but there should be at least one place on here for a brisk, beautifully executed triumph.<br /><br />5. Kazuo Ishiguro, <em>Remains of the Day</em>. The suffocating melancholy here is a nice contrast against the special-effects melodrama of <em>Samarra</em> and <em>McTeague</em>. As I think we discussed in the "saddest books" list, sad doesn't have to be showy.<br /><br /> 4. F. Scott Fitzgerald, <em>The Great Gatsby</em>. The most famous ending in American literature? (The "boats against the current" bit made it onto season 2 of <em>The Wire</em>). It deserves the hype.<br /><br />3. Edith Wharton, <em>The Age of Innocence</em>. Quietly crushing, like the Ishiguro, but even a bit better.<br /><br />2. Vladmir Nabokov, <em>Lolita</em>. Amid the hilarity and perversity and the virtuosity, people forget that this thing is a real heartbreaker at the end. Humbert's last visit with Dolly is gorgeously wrought, as is his final, misty-eyed ramble through the countryside.<br /><br />1. William Faulkner, <em>Absalom, Absalom.</em> Beyond everything else, Faulkner practically squeezes the tragedy of the Sutpens, the Compsons, and American history into just a few lines:<br /><br />"...Now I want you to tell me just one thing more. Why do you hate the South?"<br /><br />" 'I don't hate it,' he said. <em>I dont hate it </em>he thought, panting the cold air, the iron New England dark: <em>I dont. I dont! I dont hate it! I dont hate it!</em>"Matt Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18438682788288318306noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-70288747798713745232007-11-08T03:38:00.000-05:002007-11-08T03:41:35.135-05:00Historical Novels - Another AddendumI love Matt and Akshay's lists and felt compelled to add one of my own. If The Confessions of Nat Turner and The Hunchback of Notre Dame hadn't been mentioned I would definitely have included them on mine. <br /><br />6. Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities – I forget if this is Dickens’ only or one of his two historical novels. It’s wonderfully inaccurate (was it Orwell who complained that Dickens was responsible for making everyone associate carriages with death?), more a pastiche with the French terror as a backdrop, and terribly entertaining. I read it again a few years ago after slogging through it in high school and managed to tear through it in a day. Damn you, Madame Defarge! <br /><br />5. Isaac Bashevis Singer, The Manor and The Estate – It’s the history of a rich Jewish family in Poland from 1862 until the end of the 19th century, plotted like an 800 page train wreck, with one disaster befalling the tragically imperfect Calman Jacoby and his daughters after the other. From Singer’s introduction: “All the spiritual and intellectual ideas that triumphed in the modern era had their roots in the world of that time – socialism and nationalism, Zionism and assimilationism, nihilism and anarchism, suffragettism, atheism, the weakening of the family bond, free love, and even the beginnings of Fascism.” There’s also a paragraph in the text dedicated to vegetarianism. I don’t think a similar novel of our own time concentrating on “post-modernism and Christian fundamentalism, anti-Islamo-fascism and Obama-fascination,” would carry as great a weight.<br /><br />4. Philip Roth, American Pastoral – The best American novel of the last 30 or so years may not count as historical, as Roth lived through all the events he describes. But there’s a strangeness with which he recreates the optimism of post-war Newark in the 40s and 50s and then the horrors of the 60s. John complained in a comment on a previous list that he disliked soundtracks that lazily presented the 60s as a wild and crazy time. American Pastoral is the only work of art that has convinced me that it was.<br /><br />3, Primo Levi, If Not Now, When? – Levi did a great deal of research to imagine an alternative life during World War II, not as a Holocaust detainee, but as a partisan fighter whose suffering seemed to have more meaning and purpose. The Jew who expresses his sympathy for Dresden’s victims felt like a liberal transplant from 1982, when the novel was written, but I was willing to forgive the transgression. <br /><br />2. Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Cancer Ward – Solzhenitsyn wrote a true historical magnum opus about World War I which I haven’t read, but Cancer Ward brings back a very specific moment during the Khruschev Thaw, when Stalin’s victims were just coming to terms with the hell of their camps, and everyone was looking forward, very uncertainly to a less-than-promising future. I’ve met quite a few Eastern Europeans who have told me that this book actually speaks to their feelings right after 1989. <br /><br />1. Ivo Andric, The Days of the Consuls, a.k.a. Bosnian Story, a.k.a. Bosnian Chronicle – Andric’s claustrophobic book is about a group of second-rate diplomats stationed in Travnik, Bosnia during the Napoleonic Wars. It touches anyone whose ever been an expatriate stationed in a small country, and who comes from an empire about to be neutered.Paul Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15595213839623449436noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-61260574817332363742007-11-07T23:38:00.000-05:002007-11-08T00:10:17.001-05:00Historical Novels: An AddendumAkshay's list is terrific -- a great topic, and fascinating-sounding selections (I say that because, not in spite of, having read only one of his ten honorees). Is it thunder-stealing, or thunder-appreciating, to offer a mini list of my own? I hope the latter.<br /><br /><strong>5. William Gilmore Simms, <em>The Scout</em></strong><em>. </em>If you don't count Poe -- and there are good reasons for not counting Poe -- Simms is the dean of antebellum Southern novelists. I know, I know, that's like being the dean of Burmese gangsta rappers. But I enjoyed this Revolutionary War novel significantly more than anything historical by Fenimore Cooper, Simms's Northern model in the genre.<br /><br /><strong>4. Victor Hugo, <em>The Hunchback of Notre Dame</em>. </strong>This is my version of <em>The Shogun -- </em>I read it at 14, loved it, and don't care to know if it's actually just gassy romanticism.<br /><br /><strong>3. William Styron, <em>Confessions of Nat Turner</em></strong><em>. </em>Styron's version of the Turner rebellion was historically and politically controversial (OK with Eugene Genovese, not OK with certain black activists), but it works for me. Having read some of the academic history about Turner, I'd have to say this is another example (like Vidal's <em>Lincoln</em>) where brilliant, thoughtful fiction totally outshines workmanlike historical scholarship.<br /><br /><strong>2. John Updike, <em>Memoirs of the Ford Administration</em></strong><em>. </em>Really a book-in-a-book -- Updike's narrator is an oversexed history prof in the '70s, writing a fictional life of James Buchanan. Both books are good, and Updike's quasi-defense of possibly The Worst President In History is surprisingly compelling.<br /><br /><strong>1. Robert Graves, <em>I Claudius</em></strong><em>. </em>Along with its sequel, <em>Claudius The God</em>, this is endless fun. A sharp, distinctive, enduring take on all the personalities of the early Empire (partly lifted from Suetonius, but that's OK). Better than <em>HBO's Rome</em>, and I liked<em> Rome.</em> Has anyone read anything else by Graves? He has a 400 page novel on Belisarius which sounds pretty great.<br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>Honorable Mentions:</strong><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>* William Faulkner, <em>Absalom, Absalom</em>. </strong>Is this a historical novel? Sure, John C. Calhoun and Robert E. Lee don't make appearences, but this book IS the antebellum South. That should count for something. And if it does count, it has to be #1.<br /><br /><strong>* William Thackeray<em>, Henry</em> <em>Esmond</em></strong><em> </em>. Surely THE WORST historical novel I've ever read. I loved, loved, loved <em>Vanity Fair</em>, but this -- supposed to be Thackeray's #2 or #3 -- is dry, stilted, and repetitive. Wikipedia says it's about the Jacobite rebellion, but I swear I've forgotten everything about this book. A shame, because the sequel, <em>The Virginians</em>, sounds promising on paper. But after that nightmare, I'm not gonna bite.Matt Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18438682788288318306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-58352573740031846492007-11-06T09:22:00.000-05:002007-11-06T10:14:32.891-05:00Best Historical Novels<span style="font-style:italic;">Note: there are huge gaps in my knowledge. I haven't read any Graves or Scott or Manzoni, so this is rather incomplete. Also, I'm not sure I have a particularly coherent idea of what actually makes something a historical novel.</span><br /><br />1. Stendhal, <span style="font-style:italic;">The Charterhouse of Parma</span><br /><br />(Man, this book was fun to read! I'm not totally sure that it counts as a historical novel, since the events took place during Stendhal's lifetime and he actually did fight with Napoleon. But it has a historical novel air that is somehow missing from, for example, <span style="font-style:italic;">War and Peace</span>. I think Stendhal based a lot of the court intrigue off much older Italian memoirs.)<br /><br />2. Marguerite Yourcenar, <span style="font-style:italic;">The Memoirs of Hadrian</span><br /><br />(A really wonderful book, and it weaves its spell not through physical period detail - of which there is surprisingly little - but by recreating habits of thought.)<br /><br />3. Penelope Fitzgerald, <span style="font-style:italic;">The Blue Flower</span><br /><br />(A life of the poet Novalis and Fitzgerald's last, great book. One of the saddest last pages in modern literature. Her final three or four books were all wonderful historical novels.)<br /><br />4. Anthony Burgess, <span style="font-style:italic;">Nothing Like the Sun</span><br /><br />(I have a weakness for lives of artists. This one is about Shakespeare, written in a beautiful mix of modern and Elizabethan English.)<br /><br />5. Virginia Woolf, <span style="font-style:italic;">Orlando</span><br /><br />(Proceeds gleefully through three hundreds years of history with Queen Elizabeth and Alexander Pope as main figures, along with a shifting stable of characters who appear to be virtually immortal and keep changing gender. One of the most delightful and baffling and infuriating books I've ever read.)<br /><br />6. John Fowles, <span style="font-style:italic;">The French Lieutenant's Woman</span><br /><br />(I've never quite looked at a Victorian novel the same way after finishing this book, even though some of its narrative tricks annoyed me a great deal.)<br /><br />6. Gore Vidal, <span style="font-style:italic;">Lincoln</span><br /><br />(I haven't read much other Vidal outside the essays, but I did enjoy this book a lot. I'm not sure it's of the same caliber as the other books on the list, but we need some Americans on this list.)<br /><br />7. J. G. Farrell, <span style="font-style:italic;">The Siege of Krishnapur</span><br /><br />(A wonderful read - immensely funny and exciting and also an interesting meditation on the nature of progress. I was a little offended by how the Sepoys were portrayed, but I got over my outraged national feeling - Farrell's representation makes a lot more sense than a noble Hollywood Sepoy walk-on would have.)<br /><br />8. Italo Calvino, <span style="font-style:italic;">The Baron in the Trees</span><br /><br />(<a href="http://occasionalreview.blogspot.com/2006/10/baron-in-trees-by-italo-calvino.html">A delight!</a> Probably the most purely pleasurable book on the list.)<br /><br />9. Patrick White, <span style="font-style:italic;">Voss</span><br /><br />(A rather disturbing tale about the exploration of the Australian outback in, I think, the early 19th century. I read it a long time ago and have forgotten most of it except for the rather horrifying conclusion.)<br /><br />10. James Clavell, <span style="font-style:italic;">Shogun</span><br /><br />(When I was twelve, I was pretty sure this was the greatest book ever written. I'm scared to look at it again because I have no real desire to find out that it's just cheesy epic romance. Anyway, even if it is, it is damn good cheesy epic romance.)Akshay Ahujahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07728111336477554136noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-40975232880154107322007-10-17T21:46:00.000-04:002007-10-17T22:30:11.095-04:006 Terrible Vice PresidentsA lazy list, but no one's posted in a month, and I'd like to keep this thing going. It seems to be a law of American politics that there can be no great Vice Presidents, only unmemorable or awful ones. Surely it has to do with the structure of the job. Anyway, here's a haphazard list of six of the worst, in rough (but probably not comprehensive) order:<br /><br /><strong>6. William Rufus King (VP to Franklin Pierce, 1853).</strong> Probably the most important qualification for Vice President is staying alive--aside from hanging out in the Senate and breaking the occasional tie, that's really all a VP is supposed to do. And yet seven Vice Presidents have died in office -- more VPs than actual commanders-in-chief, even though to my knowledge no has ever seriously attempted, let alone suceeded in, assassinating a Vice President. A VP dying in the middle of a term is an odd and frustrating kind of quirk -- a little like when a backup quarterback has to go on injured reserve for some kind of off-the-field accident. Anyway, King is the worst of the dying VPs: he managed to stay alive in office for just over a month. Also, he helped fuck up a decisive Quizzo question for John, Drew and I at the Bards one night. Fucker.<br /><br /><strong>5. John C. Calhoun (VP to John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson, 1825-1832). </strong>Calhoun was the only Vice President to serve under two consecutive and hostile administrations. He was also the only Vice President to be loathed by two consecutive and hostile administrations. He scores high on the terrible meter for leading the almost-traitorous nullification movement while still a sitting VP, and for coming off like a major league asshole to nearly everyone in politics who wasn't one of his South Carolina flunkeys.<br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>4. John C. Breckinridge (VP to James Buchanan, 1857-1861). </strong>Calhoun was a near-traitor while in office, but Breckinridge did him better by becoming an actual traitor immediately after leaving office. The only VP (aside from John Tyler, who was also a President, and hence doesn't really count) to join the Confederacy, Breck spent most of the war as general in the CSA army. The fact that he was by most accounts an incompetent politician-general mitigates his perfidy, but doesn't erase it.<br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>3. Spiro Agnew (VP to Richard Nixon, 1969-1973). </strong>As a native Marylander, I have this to say to Spiro Agnew: fuck you! And fuck Roger "Dred Scott" Taney, too. Unless Paris Glendening leads a miraculous dark-horse movement to steal the Democratic nomination in '08, those two chuckleheads will remain Maryland's greatest actors in national political history. Oh, OK, Thurgood Marshall at #3 helps us somewhat, but Spiro was still a total dickhead who deserves the everlasting condemnation of all fellow Marylanders.<br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>2. Aaron Burr (VP to Thomas Jefferson, 1801-1805). </strong>He killed a guy, while in office. As Vice President, he fucking capped a dude in the chest and killed him. And not just any dude -- a fucking legitimate, top-five, real-deal Founding Father. Is that terrible, or just really badass? Why aren't there more gangsta rap songs dedicated to Aaron Burr?<br /><br />All right, all right, committing murder while Vice President is pretty awful, especially when I don't think he really needed to do it. Running from the law and committing treason (even feckless, hopeless, ineffectual treason) immediately afterward is bad, too -- not to mention the whole attempt to get himself elected, bogusly, over Jefferson. But it's hard to hate Burr <em>too much</em> because he was such a charming, amoral rake, and Gore Vidal wrote such a readable book from his perspective, stuffed with vicious-but-plausible insights like the idea that George Washington had the lower body of a large, awkward woman. #2 seems like the right spot for him.<br /><br /><strong>1. Dick Cheney (VP to George W. Bush, 2000-2008).</strong> The most powerful VP of all time. Which I guess could be a good thing, if he weren't actually an evil fucker from planet Destructo. The temptation is to make Burr #1 most terrible, but in the larger perspective of history, Burr wasn't really more than an opportunistic pipsqueak who didn't accomplish much one way or the other. Cheney, on the other hand, has accomplished a giant fuckload of irreperable harm. Even if he has worse aim with a gun.Matt Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18438682788288318306noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-2892181646136699352007-09-28T19:41:00.001-04:002007-09-29T14:30:16.145-04:0011 Best Harmonies on RecordA lost art! Or an ignored one. I was hoping the boy bands might bring some of it back, but their harmonies ended up being big boring blocks of monotone sound. Strangely enough, most of the best modern harmonies don't even come from groups -- they come from the same singer tracking different vocals over each other. Sadly, this strategy mainly communicates a sense of internal division and alienation instead of the old joy of singing together.<br /><br />1. Smokey Robinson and the Miracles, <span style="font-style:italic;">Ooh Baby Baby</span><br /><br />(What comment is possible? It's on <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uThnUmWRCCs">YouTube</a>, unfortunately along with a bunch of someone's semi-erotic comic book art.)<br /><br />2. The Everly Brothers, <span style="font-style:italic;">Cathy's Clown</span><br /><br />(Pretty mind blowing. Apparently served as an inspiration to the both the Beatles and Elliott Smith, who are included below.)<br /><br />3. Sam Cooke and the Soul Stirrers, <span style="font-style:italic;">That's Heaven to Me</span><br /><br />(Just picking one out of dozens of really beautiful performances.)<br /><br />4. The Beatles, <span style="font-style:italic;">Baby's in Black</span><br /><br />(What astonishes me about this song is that the harmonies sound like they're completely improvised, unlike, say, another classic like <span style="font-style:italic;">Because</span>, where they are clearly planned out.)<br /><br />5. The Beach Boys, <span style="font-style:italic;">In My Room</span><br /><br />(Ach, touched by God! Or whatever the modern secular equivalent might be.)<br /><br />6. The Marvelettes, <span style="font-style:italic;">Please Mr. Postman</span><br /><br />(There should probably be more girl groups on this list, but my knowledge is very limited.)<br /><br />7. Curtis Mayfield and the Attractions, <span style="font-style:italic;">I'm So Proud</span><br /><br />(Curtis Mayfield is amazing. I love his doo-woppy period better than the more well-known funk one.)<br /><br />8. Radiohead, <span style="font-style:italic;">I Will</span><br /><br />(The "I keep falling over" harmonies on <span style="font-style:italic;">Black Star</span> are also wonderful, but they're also pretty much the only ones in the song.)<br /><br />9. Neil Young, <span style="font-style:italic;">Through My Sails</span><br /><br />(Who knew that high nasal voice could harmonize so beautifully?)<br /><br />10. Ron Sexsmith, <span style="font-style:italic;">Raindrops in my Coffee<br /></span><br />(A gorgeous song. I recommend Sexsmith to anyone I can get to listen. Dylan just played this song on his radio show, which I was very pleased about.)<br /><br />11. Elliott Smith, <span style="font-style:italic;">Say Yes</span><br /><br />(Low on the list only because the harmonies occur during a very small part of the song - "crooked spin can't come to rest." But they always give me a bit of a chill.)Akshay Ahujahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07728111336477554136noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-89909289581049246962007-09-20T15:12:00.001-04:002007-09-20T15:36:29.561-04:00Favorite Shows at Austin City Limits Festival 2007Going to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ACL</span> means braving a crowd of 65,000, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">porta</span>-potties, and oppressive Texas heat. I didn't see a lot of the 130 bands and of the ones I did there were some disappointments (The National and Peter, Bjorn, and John were two of the major ones). <br /><br />Here are some that made it worthwhile.<br /><br />1. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Gotan</span> Project<br />2. Ryan Shaw<br />3. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">DeVotchKa</span><br />4. James Hunter<br />5. Raul <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Malo</span><br />6. Pete <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Yorn</span><br />7. LCD <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Soundsystem</span><br />8. Lucinda Williams<br />9. MIASarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11208819454718793032noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-89348501080063751242007-09-11T14:41:00.000-04:002007-09-11T16:03:32.025-04:00Music DocumentariesThe posts about the best/worst use of music in film made me think about movies about music. Since there are a lot of music documentaries I haven't seen that are supposed to be very good I won't call this list the best but rather just a few really good ones.<br /><br />1. Buena Vista Social Club<br /><br />It is amazing how many of these musicians hadn't played in years, even decades, before putting this band together. This is a great movie.<br /><br />2. Gimme Shelter<br /><br />My favorite parts of this movie are watching the reactions of the Stones as they are watching the footage of Altamont.<br /><br />3. You're Gonna Miss Me / The Devil and Daniel Johnston<br /><br />I grouped these together since they are both stories of mentally ill but very talented Austin musicians. I think the contrast between how the two of them handle their illnesses is really interesting. Daniel is obsessed with being famous and is willing to exploit his illness to become famous (for example, when he says he draws ducks in his artwork because they help him fight the devil you wonder if he really thinks that or if he knows saying that will increase the value of the drawing) while Roky seems like he would be more than happy to be just left alone.<br /><br />4. Standing in the Shadows of Motown<br /><br />This is a great unsung heroes story but it loses some points for overstating the importance of the musicians ("anyone could have been singing those songs" - I mean, <em>really</em>?) and for featuring live performances by Ben Harper and Montell Jordan.<br /><br />5. New York Doll<br /><br />Arthur Killer Kane is so, so likeable in this movie, and so are the women he works with at the Mormon library who are all atwitter when they find out they work with a rock star. Even knowing before starting it how the movie would end (I don't want to ruin it if someone doesn't know and wants to watch it) it still made me cry.<br /><br />6. Don't Look Back<br /><br />I'm sure I would like this movie more if I had been born in the 50s. But, it is good. The best scene is the opening which makes it kind of anti-climatic.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11208819454718793032noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-32720757462358130732007-09-06T10:44:00.000-04:002007-09-06T19:57:25.920-04:00Luciano Pavarotti, RIP<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7kWGC1H78jRHV_bza3euCX_ZnkbMXzHeh_Vf8aC1AFmd8jqk2eAT1DH_Fb9dRF0s8P7KbfkXFB5w5rx9lTJDwXBtk4BojoTP1ZPc5HANG3GehrbFBS-LewQ5UsZWno2rTjqu5gKQUJWg/s1600-h/pavarotti3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7kWGC1H78jRHV_bza3euCX_ZnkbMXzHeh_Vf8aC1AFmd8jqk2eAT1DH_Fb9dRF0s8P7KbfkXFB5w5rx9lTJDwXBtk4BojoTP1ZPc5HANG3GehrbFBS-LewQ5UsZWno2rTjqu5gKQUJWg/s320/pavarotti3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5107105469809076130" border="0" /></a><br />Along with <a href="http://powderedwig.blogspot.com/2007/08/elvis-aaron-presley-rip.html">my fondness for the King of Rock 'n' Roll</a>, I have a soft spot for the King of High C's, who <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/06/arts/music/06pavarotti.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin">died this morning</a> of pancreatic cancer. (Also fits into my admiration of <a href="http://powderedwig.blogspot.com/2007/08/four-fat-presidents.html">powerful fat men</a>.) While I couldn't find any footage of old Lucky singing to basset hounds, it was easy to compile some fine moments. You'll notice I don't include any bullshit duets with Michael Bolton (assclown!) or Andrea Bocelli (faker!), or Christmas specials, or anything that isn't an aria. All that was beneath the big man, and the point of today is honoring him:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky271W94VHA">Pavarotti as <span style="font-style: italic;">Pagliacci</span>,</a> the sad clown singing "Vesti la giubba." The gist is: "the show must go one despite the fact that my wife's a cheating whore who is making an ass of me." Surely this temporary suppression of jealous rage will work--who ever heard of an opera with a tragic ending?<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONUCPKdGcrk&mode=related&search="><br />Pavarotti as Calàf,</a> the suitor of the mysterious (i.e., Asian) <span style="font-style: italic;">Turandot</span>, anticipating his victory in his quest to win her hand. "Nessun dorma" ("No man shall sleep") has become a popera smash in recent years with numerous covers appearing in films and commercials, but the several high c's make this <span style="font-style: italic;">the</span> signature Pavarotti aria. Accept no imitations.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8nPO9n5GAo">Pavarotti as Mario,</a> comparing his love <span style="font-style: italic;">Tosca</span> to a portrait he is painting--the title, "Recondita Armonia" come from the line <span style="font-style: italic;">Recondita armonia di bellezze diverse</span> ("Concealed harmonies of contrasting beauties"). Transcendent from the first note to the last.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCFEk6Y8TmM">Pavarotti as the Duke of Mantua,</a> singing "La donna è mobile" ("Bitches are sneaky") from <span style="font-style: italic;">Rigoletto</span>. This particular video is a demonstration of why canned opera seldom works--the dubbing is off (partially YouTube's fault, but I've seen this version on tape, and it's not much better in the original), the space feels too small to hold the magnificent aria, and Pavarotti's acting is, to put it politely, more suited to stage than screen. But that last high C--unbelievable.Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01380828909591225099noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-90933631219223588062007-09-03T08:36:00.000-04:002007-09-03T08:40:53.181-04:00Nationality titlesI’m a sucker for titles with nationalities. Even if the movies and books don’t always satisfy, the use of the words themselves are often excellent shorthand for “exotic,” “powerful,” or “naïve.” For the purpose of narrowing my subject, I’ve avoided all uses of the word “American,” but even that had some fine uses: “An American Tragedy,” “The Quiet American,” “American Pie,” “American Beauty,” (my personal favorite title if not movie) and “American” (the original title of “Citizen Kane”).<br /><br />1. The English Patient – The irony, as those of you have seen the movie or read the book, is that the patient isn’t actually English. He’s Hungarian, burnt beyond recognition. But there’s a certain poetry in a man who has lost everything grasping onto an innocuous national identity.<br /><br />2. The Spanish Prisoner – The trick, in its most modern incarnation, is attempted by every Nigerian who ever sends you an email requesting a transfer of 80,000 dollars to save a minor noble brought down by revolutionary violence with the promise of 10,000,000 later on. David Mamet could use it as a title only because the story it refers to was not too well-known. “Spanish Prisoner” might remind the average viewer of something closer to the Spanish Civil War or modern Basque violence than to a tale from the 16th century.<br /><br />3. The Italian Job – I haven’t seen either version. But apparently it deals with a heist in Turin. And the title sounds lot more intriguing than The Turin Project.<br /><br />4. The Argentine – It hasn’t even come out yet. But this is the most inspired title I could imagine for a Che Guevara biopic. So ambiguous. Is he an evil Argentine or a good one? Just where will Stephen Soderbergh lay his political beliefs?<br /><br />5. The Mexican – The title refers to a gun. You can't name a gun after the Canadians.<br /><br />6. Burmese Days – I guess I’ve lived in enough places that I can write my own books: Vietnamese Days, Bulgarian Days, Latvian Days and, maybe soon, Hungarian Days…But the lilting two-syllable/one-syllable bit only seems to work with Burmese Days, which recall the awful colonial experience so well. (No, I don’t know any film version of the Orwell book.)<br /><br />7. The Good German – Was there any such thing in post-World War II Berlin? Soderbergh again.<br /><br />8. My Big Fat Greek Wedding – Awful title. The fine thing about the use of nationalities in titles is that you can make them short. You don’t have to say much more than “Spanish Prisoner” (strange thriller) “The Mexican” (violence), or “Good German” (drama about moral ambiguity) for audiences to get the idea. If Nia Vardalos needed to say “whacky” she only had to say “Greek Wedding.”Paul Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15595213839623449436noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-22781663548429183452007-08-29T19:00:00.000-04:002007-09-04T14:57:48.206-04:00The Saddest Books in the World(Note: I'm throwing together both the tragic and the drearily depressing under the heading "sad.")<br /><br />1. Tess of the d'Urbervilles, by Thomas Hardy<br /><br />I'm pretty sure this is the saddest book in the world. It is probably the least plausible of Hardy's endings but somehow more crushing than any of the others. I stared at a wall for like ten minutes after I finished it.<br /><br />2. Revolutionary Road, by Richard Yates<br /><br />They are, incredibly, making a movie out of this book. I think it's the most depressing one I've ever read. It falls under the "drearily depressing" category, but it's written beautifully and has a sense of honesty that makes it art instead of torture. Although it is certainly the latter as well.<br /><br />3. A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens<br /><br />Maybe it's manipulative, but it still gets to me. God, Sydney, don't sacrifice yourself for that worthless aristocrat!<br /><br />4. Ethan Frome, by Edith Wharton<br /><br />I haven't read The House of Mirth, but apparently that is even more depressing.<br /><br />5. The Golovylov Family, by Saltykov-Shchedrin<br /><br />The dreariest book in all of Russian literature, says Mirsky. One of the most awful sets of people ever to occupy a single book. It also has what is probably the most horrific suicide scene in all of literature.<br /><br />6. The Sun Also Rises, by Ernest Hemingway<br /><br />I didn't realize what Jake's injury was when I first read this book and it still depressed the hell out of me. Now that I know, it is both depressing and a little painful to think about.<br /><br />7. The Professor's House, by Willa Cather<br /><br />More subtly depressing than the other books on this list. A quietly brutal verdict on most people's lives.<br /><br />8. Madame Bovary, by Gustave Flaubert<br /><br />Maybe the most desolate last page of any of these books. Man.<br /><br />9. The Emigrants, by W.G. Sebald<br /><br />A set of stories largely about people who lived through the holocaust. Never cheap or manipulative, though.<br /><br />10. Adolphe, by Benjamin Constant<br /><br />I wrote a little bit about this book <a href="http://occasionalreview.blogspot.com/2007/04/adolphe-by-benjamin-constant.html">already</a>. A harsh and sad little novel.Akshay Ahujahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07728111336477554136noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-35790798363828553352007-08-20T16:20:00.000-04:002007-08-20T17:53:48.584-04:005 Worst Film Uses of Pop Music<em>The much-awaited follow-up to last week's mini-list. Again, the focus is on the film's use of existing pop music, not original recordings.</em><br /><em></em><br /><br /><strong>5. <em>American Psycho</em> (2000). </strong>No wonder the men of <a href="http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/display.php?id=2008">Late Night Shots</a> routinely trade quotes from this chotch epic on their <a href="http://wonkette.com/politics/last-week.s-shots/a-very-special-last-weeks-shots-update-218521.php">often-hilarious</a> members-only forums. It's their ultimate wish-fulfillment fantasy: 1980s cocaine-fueled predator UTTERLY DOMINATES women, Wall Street, and all his foes. And he does it to a soundtrack featuring both Robert Palmer <em>and</em> Huey Lewis. That's hard enough to believe by itself, but it only gets worse when you throw in "Lady in Red," "If You Don't Know Me By Now," and <em>two </em>Phil Collins/Genesis songs. I know, I know, it's all supposed to be ironic, but at some point this movie, like its fans on LNS, starts enjoying itself so much it leaves the irony behind. Phil Collins doesn't help.<br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>4. <em>Garden State</em> (2004).</strong> Is this a controversial call anymore? Or has the Zach Braff backlash (Brafflash?) made it boringly conventional to hate on Zach and everything he's done? In any case, this movie is not The Graduate for our generation (neither is "Knocked Up," by the way). It's not even good. And the lite indie soundtrack is limp enough even without Braff calling attention to his good taste with egregious scenes like the one parodied <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRH4gG5LmZ0">here</a>.<br /><br /><br /><strong>3. <em>Dazed and Confused</em> (1993).</strong> <em>American Graffiti</em> was the early '70s doing the early '60s; this is the early '90s doing the mid '70s. Problem? The mid '70s pretty much sucked. I'll admit did enjoy this movie in high school (I even bought the soundtrack! It slotted in perfectly between <em>The</em> <em>Best of Grand Frunk Railroad</em> and Bad Company's <em>10 From 6</em>). But looking over the music again, man, it just sucked: ZZ Top, Ted Nugent, Alice Cooper, "Rock and Roll, Hoochie Koo", and "Jim Dandy." Some of these songs wouldn't even crack a Classic Rock Block anymore. Do they convincingly recall the American high school experience of 1976? Maybe. But to borrow from Phil Collins (see above): I don't care anymore. They still suck.<br /><br /><strong><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK_0VoG0Lp8-EZWh3Z73ywMSnYDJDlXPcIcpmApO6sf2f9aRzNEuxIyZnWGUaHH6BEkv9kkOcObWnv7YsJBKeTUe39y8PzbS7SgH2QYkUgdlhKNR4dJ3fmRU7SyMl6nYXCwhZ6YTtBui8/s1600-h/fear.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5100891816895803538" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK_0VoG0Lp8-EZWh3Z73ywMSnYDJDlXPcIcpmApO6sf2f9aRzNEuxIyZnWGUaHH6BEkv9kkOcObWnv7YsJBKeTUe39y8PzbS7SgH2QYkUgdlhKNR4dJ3fmRU7SyMl6nYXCwhZ6YTtBui8/s200/fear.bmp" border="0" /></a>2. <em>Fear </em>(1996). </strong>If the mid '70s were lame, what can we say about the mid '90s? If you haven't seen it in a while, it's time to revisit this Mark Wahlberg/Reese Witherspoon thriller, which borrows heavily from both <em>Cape Fear </em>and <em>Straw Dogs</em>. I caught it via On Demand last week, and was impressed by Reese's navel-hugging jeans, the guy from CSI's hilarious performance as her intense dad, and the fact that at one point in time Marky Mark was a pretty tough dude. I wasn't impressed by the music. In fact, <em>Fear</em> is the inspiration for both these lists. Aside from one throwaway moment where Toad the Wet Sprocket is heard in the background (don't blame the director; this <em>was</em> the mid-90's after all), there are apparently only two songs in the entire film: a soggy '90s girl band cover of "Wild Horses," used enthusiastically whenever something kinky is going on; and Bush's "Come Down," used enthusaistically whenever Mr. Mark is being a badass. There's a chance "Machinehead" subs for "Come Down" during one of those frequent badass scenes, but I swear those two songs recur about seventeen times during this 90 minute movie.<br /><br /><strong><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfNB1yJOpGr03dPN9Cv2SPdqMTGtFzaWCeZ6hDKI8tN3Z5q8xWubUZbRZXjQvHhDQ2Sr6ITwl9TrXpLnKpa8m_6JrqwHCakDqEsvybtXa10uU_BiiGuYq-FRak6KSSnyoL95gmIZxNQ3Q/s1600-h/liv_tyler_ben_affleck_armageddon_001.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5100903585106194594" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfNB1yJOpGr03dPN9Cv2SPdqMTGtFzaWCeZ6hDKI8tN3Z5q8xWubUZbRZXjQvHhDQ2Sr6ITwl9TrXpLnKpa8m_6JrqwHCakDqEsvybtXa10uU_BiiGuYq-FRak6KSSnyoL95gmIZxNQ3Q/s200/liv_tyler_ben_affleck_armageddon_001.jpg" border="0" /></a>1. <em>Armageddon </em>(1998). </strong>I love ripping on this movie. It's like Michael Bay saw "Independence Day" and then bet Roland Emmerich that he could take out the aliens and <em>still </em>make an explosions/space/world-saving movie that was louder, coarser, uglier, and dumber than what had come before. (It's too bad Bay didn't make a similar wager with Emmerich after <em>The Patriot</em>--I would love to have seen that film). Anyway, everybody remembers the loathesome "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing," but that was recorded specifically for the film so technically can't count here. Fortunately, <em>Armageddon </em>sports two other awful Aerosmith tunes, including their cover of "Come Together," which should be mentioned -- along with "I Don't Want..." -- in any serious discussion about The Worst Song Of All Time. There's also Bon Jovi, ZZ Top, and Bob Seger. To be honest, I can't remember exactly how all these songs are used, but does it even matter? At least <em>Dazed and Confused </em>was purposely trying to capture the sour-milk taste of '70s cock rock. What's Michael Bay's excuse? He's making a giant sci-fi epic about saving the planet. We're left to suspect that he really thinks "Sweet Emotion" is, like, the most ass-kicking song in history. Ugh.Matt Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18438682788288318306noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-23615093280444937672007-08-16T17:17:00.000-04:002007-08-17T00:55:19.606-04:005 Best Film Uses of Pop Music<em>An impressionistic, not a comprehensive list. (I left some obvious choices off the board). And bear in mind that I'm not looking for original compositions, but movies that put existing music to good use.</em><br /><br /><em>Stay tuned for the corresponding 5 worst films, coming tomorrow...</em><br /><br />5. <strong><em>Farenheit 9-11</em> (2004)</strong>. I'm no big fan of Michael Moore, but the man does know how to get the most out of pop music. Sure, it's heavy handed (insert Moore weight-related joke here) but it's heavy-handed in the best and most exuberant way -- almost as if Moore really believes he can score more political points with pop than with actual argument or evidence. In almost all cases he's right: especially when he streams the Go-Go's "Vacation" over clips of Bush at Crawford, and "Shiny Happy People" over Carlyle Group-Saudi handshakes. Best of all is the 2-second overdub of "Cocaine" while Moore discusses Bush's truancy in the National Guard. The movie is full of holes, but that is a brilliant moment.<br /><br /><div>4. <strong><em>Buffalo '66 </em>(1998)</strong>. I have an admitted soft spot for prog rock, but it's not <em>that</em> soft, and I would never willingly sit down and listen to Yes's "Heart of the Sunrise" just because I wanted to. Yet in this movie, a personal fave, that song-- along with a few other Yes and King Crimson tunes -- is taken so far beyond its potential that I went out and bought <em>The Yes Album</em>. The final scene where Vincent Gallo finally confronts Buffalo Bills kicker "Scott Wood" is especially awesome.<br /></div><br /><div><strong></strong></div>3. <strong><em>Zodiac </em>(2007). </strong>An underrated film whose subtle soundtrack makes '60s and '70s San Francisco ooze all around you. No obvious period choices, here: Scott McKenzie, Mick Jagger, and Grace Slick have been temporarily exiled to Oakland. Instead, a brilliant use of slightly dustier pop classics, both good and bad: Donovan's "Hurdy Gurdy Man" wafts in eerily during the first murder; Santana's noodly "Soul Sacrifice" captures the onset of the decadent '70s. And don't you think bedgraggled, sideburns-sporting Frisco cops on the tail of the Zodiac probably DID spend a lot of time in bars that played Gerry Rafferty, Boz Scaggs, and Steely Dan?<br /><br />2. <strong><em>Easy Rider </em>(1969).</strong> A cliched choice, but an Important one. By some accounts, Dennis Hopper canceled a proposed CSN score and more or less <a href="http://wc03.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&token=&sql=10:gnfpxqthldse">invented</a> the idea of re-using existing pop music in a feature film. Personal favorite moments, besides the obvious Steppenwolf opening: the naked frolicking with hippie chicks during "Wasn't Born to Follow," which first drew me to the Byrds, at age 17, but sadly did not augur any naked frolicking of my own; and the Roger McGuinn take on "It's Alright Ma," which I still prefer, sacreligiously, to the original Dylan.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWkTHAfvorxz3NSo9P6Yhp5dmV77UZYOcoKEi9_rk9oBURss-9Fh4d44uo7Eq4gIFYpIQ6TpwHlkfgNedREVy56fARgX4tULrRsBXnZQMJOONDSlK59mIKdn4NhJW1njJ6shEUxhMJA54/s1600-h/darko.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5099461910613815426" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWkTHAfvorxz3NSo9P6Yhp5dmV77UZYOcoKEi9_rk9oBURss-9Fh4d44uo7Eq4gIFYpIQ6TpwHlkfgNedREVy56fARgX4tULrRsBXnZQMJOONDSlK59mIKdn4NhJW1njJ6shEUxhMJA54/s320/darko.bmp" border="0" /></a>1. <strong><em>Donnie Darko </em>(2001).</strong> In its own way, this is an even more obvious selection than <em>Easy Rider</em>. But it's unavoidable: this movie led me directly to purchase no fewer than six albums (two Echo albums, and one record each by The Church, Joy Division, Tears For Fears, and Duran Duran). In a very real sense<em>, Donnie Darko</em> gave me the gift of the '80s<em>.</em> Dubious, but undeniably catchy -- and memorable, too. "The Killing Moon" manages to make c. 1988 suburbia both ominous and fascinating, in under 3 minutes; "Head Over Heels" is the perfect introduction to Donnie's school; and "Love Will Tear Us Apart," which only gets about 20 seconds of background airplay, nevertheless establishes itself as the ultimate party song. I don't know if I can count Gary Jules's final, heartbreaking cover of "Mad World," which was specially recorded for the movie. But <em>Darko </em>doesn't even need the help. It wins anyway.Matt Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18438682788288318306noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-43671477167896347132007-08-16T11:41:00.001-04:002007-09-06T14:55:36.338-04:00Elvis Aaron Presley, RIP<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmrzuAL4Py-W5GdmCdeeOp_L2mBtmA2O06wSKZOvT6I76txRB1QTnqToftln9zf8F8ojnrsbAbEE8-PTBxUplEuyhklc4U2If9zhSi4DK7goiEgvbIUWi2dnIPm1qhSlZ3ygw9R_RoMqA/s1600-h/Hound-Dog.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmrzuAL4Py-W5GdmCdeeOp_L2mBtmA2O06wSKZOvT6I76txRB1QTnqToftln9zf8F8ojnrsbAbEE8-PTBxUplEuyhklc4U2If9zhSi4DK7goiEgvbIUWi2dnIPm1qhSlZ3ygw9R_RoMqA/s320/Hound-Dog.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5099338747303733138" border="0" /></a><br /><br />I know this isn't really a list at all, but it's thirty years to the day that America lost the only King it would ever know. If you want to see the famous first televised performance of "Hound Dog" (pictured), click <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j78g1EHxocM">here</a> and fast-forward to 4:30. Or if you're more of a late Elvis fan (honestly, who isn't?), check <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UispCK7Q--M&mode=related&search=">this</a> and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ntgij-u_27k&mode=related&search=">this</a> out. And surely you've always wanted to see <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G8jeVrzJ9U">Johnny Cash doing Elvis</a> and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzl0O8rsgAM">Andy Kaufman doing his Elvis for Cash himself.</a> To complete this exercise in postmodern Elvis appreciation, check out <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLtXG4Y2h4g">Jim Carrey doing Andy Kaufman doing Elvis</a>.Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01380828909591225099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-73113701041219361872007-08-15T08:05:00.000-04:002007-08-15T14:05:03.719-04:00The Top Ten Christian-and/or-Biblically-Themed Songs That Are So Good That They Call My Agnosticism Into Question.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHI6K-P7H_LiLTHR_l807jgs45_a9Nh3gRVjUPFp1lngrVjXLHg6NFaH0JNbUlym5OK8EMYyRnmzUvUFZzwahqgpGBqPi-L7zS_jkgd9O4VbMB-4Cp6IXR7WmI4kgovIeaEOeR3lTeHdU/s1600-h/guitar_jesus.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHI6K-P7H_LiLTHR_l807jgs45_a9Nh3gRVjUPFp1lngrVjXLHg6NFaH0JNbUlym5OK8EMYyRnmzUvUFZzwahqgpGBqPi-L7zS_jkgd9O4VbMB-4Cp6IXR7WmI4kgovIeaEOeR3lTeHdU/s320/guitar_jesus.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098989782924333250" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">10. Dirty Dozen Brass Band, “I’ll Fly Away.”</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Some bright morning when this life is over... </span>A gospel standard, originally a hymn. Your basic Southern Baptist doctrine, set to song. Never really gets old, though, whether it’s sung or merely instrumental. The DDBB take is a great jazzy-gospel hybrid.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">9. Norman Greenbaum, “Spirit In The Sky.” </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Gotta have a friend in Gee-ZUSS!</span> Appropriately enough for this list, this classic Jesus rock song was penned and performed by a Jew looking to either appeal to Christians or to mock them to their faces. With its high-distortion guitar chords, infectious clapping, and cheesy back-up girls, it nears pop perfection.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">8. Regina Spektor, “Samson.” </span><span style="font-style: italic;">I cut his hair myself one night/Pair of dull scissors in the yellow light.</span> Like “Hallelujah,” (below), this song channels the raw sexuality of the Samson story, although Spektor tells it from a seemingly innocent Delilah perspective. Her characteristic whimsy and silky vocals makes this somewhat tired trope fresh and enticing.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">7. Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, “Will The Circle Be Unbroken.”</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Undertaker, Undertaker, please drive slow/For this body you are hauling, Lord, I hate to see her go.</span> A touching folk-hymnal dirge that can still have some bounce and life. The NGDB cover has excellent use of fife, fiddle, and bango to give it an authentic rolled-in-corn-meal-and-deep-fried feel. You could thump a bible in time to it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">6. Jeff Buckley (Leonard Cohen), “Hallelujah.”</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Maybe there’s a god above/But all I ever learned from love/Was how to shoot someone who outdrew you. </span>Everyone’s favorite Old Testament break-up song. Despite the fact that this song has been soundtracked to death (from The OC to The West Wing to, my god, Shrek), it remains powerful thanks to its epic scale and its potent mix of cynicism and eroticism. I favor the Buckley take most of all, but enjoy the Rufus Wainwright and Imogen Heap versions as well. And while I regret to knock the man who gave us “Chelsea Hotel,” it must be said that compared to these excellent covers, Cohen’s original comes off as overproduced and horribly dated.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5. Bruce Springsteen, “Reason To Believe.”</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Still at the end of every hard-earned day/People find some reason to believe. </span> Perhaps this is the unrepentant agnostic speaking, but I find some of the best songs about faith are the ones that question it. It’s hard to tell if the Boss admires or pities the blindly faithful; although familiarity with his work (and the increasingly ecumenical spirituality of later albums like The Rising) would suggest that he identifies with them, even if their unwavering hope also mystifies him. After all, it ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. Ralph Stanley, “Rank Stranger.” </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Some beautiful day (Some beautiful day)/I'll meet 'em in heaven/Where no one will be/A stranger to me. </span> A bluegrass standard on kinship and faith. If the mountain mentality had a singular anthem, it would be this song. There’s a lot of fine covers out there, including a Dylan one, but Stanley’s is definitive. His voice is craggy as an App’a’latchan ridge line. The man’s breath must be made of moonshine vapors and coaldust.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. Sufjan Stevens, “The Seer’s Tower.” </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Seven miles above the Earth/There is Emmanuel of mothers/With his sword, with his robe/He comes dividing man from brothers. </span>There’s a millenarian streak in Stevens’ work, perhaps best explored in this song, “They Are Night Zombies!,” and “Seven Swans.” Like in “Night Zombies,” Stevens imagines the Illinois landscape as the setting of the Apocalypse. This song is ethereal and perhaps too churchy for some tastes. I find I enjoy it for its unflinching sense of doom and judgment.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. Johnny Cash, “Man in Black.”</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> I</span> wear the black for the poor and beaten down/Livin’ in the hopeless, hungry side of town.</span> A direct statement of faith in action, in which Cash casts himself as kind of badass Christ figure. There’s also a pretty pointed critique of secular, materialistic America. That’s right, you douchebags with your streak-of-lightning cars and fancy clothes. Johnny here would love to sport some rainbow duds, but you’re so fucking selfish that he has to wear this here suit of black. On his back, like a fucking cross. Just to remind you panty-waisted cocksuckers of those who are left back.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. Gillian Welch, “Orphan Girl.” </span><span style="font-style: italic;"> Blessed Savior, make me willing/Walk beside me ‘till I’m with them</span>. A gorgeous song about a lonely orphan who takes solace in the love of Jesus. It seldom fails to raise the hair on my arms. It can make me tear up if I’ve had a bit to drink. And it’s possible proof that there is a benevolent, sentient creator who takes great pleasure in sending foul-mouthed heathen like me straight to hell.Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01380828909591225099noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-37628732483644245722007-08-13T18:04:00.000-04:002007-08-13T18:08:22.549-04:00Five four-letter words spelled with one button using T9deed feed high noon moon<br /><br />Which one do you think is most common in text messages?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05681307054986304733noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3811529631867477864.post-40541662843671353932007-08-06T16:38:00.001-04:002007-09-06T14:56:12.462-04:00Four Fat Presidents<p style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span>As a US-historian-in-training with a healthy gut, I thought I'd give a shout out to a few of our fattest American Presidents. These are not exactly rankings: instead each man's position on the list comes from a rough equation that factors in both his historical importance and his BMI. So, for example, Clinton ranks below Taft both for his indeterminate legacy (it's too soon to really tell) and his relative svelteness compared to Taft. This is also not a definitive list; alternate nominations are welcome in the comments.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. Theodore Roosevelt, Jr. </span> T.R. was a fit fattie with the physique of a middle-aged football coach--thick-necked and dense. He still counts as fat, though; he is undoubtedly the pudgiest man on Mount Rushmore. Roosevelt tops the list for his actual accomplishments. A hero of the Spanish-American War, he gave us the Panama Canal, the Food and Drug Administration, and the National Park system. He pulled off numerous diplomatic feats, and became the first American to win a Nobel Peace Prize. He was, on most occasions, an enemy of trusts and a friend to workers. T.R. was also an unabashed imperialist and a leading theorist of scientific racism. Still, the good wins out--the man gave names to the nation's most popular stuffed animal and the nation's most popular condom for anal intercourse. And he graciously aided the people of Africa by considerably thinning the population of big game on the continent.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. John Adams, Jr. </span> John Adams was a double-chinned douchebag who has recently been overpraised by a handful of book-club biographers. This chubster was a sulky, stubborn, ill-tempered man with a talent for making enemies. (Like many fat boys, Adams surely suffered cruel taunting as a child, and I suspect his need for revenge against his tormentors led to his conception of a monarchical Presidency.) Adams actively sought to criminalize dissent and to scapegoat immigrants, and he tried to pack the federal judiciary with his friends. "His Rotundancy" had some strengths, to be sure. He didn't own slaves, he had keen argumentative mind, and he was a skilled diplomat--both in ensuring Dutch support for the infant republic and avoiding a full-on war with France. But ultimately, Adams is to the Founding Fathers what Chunk is to the Goonies: a grating tag-along with a few moments of usefulness.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. William Howard Taft. </span> The only real lardass to serve as POTUS, Taft earned the title of "tubby" when his considerable girth caused him to become stuck the White House bathtub <span style="font-style: italic;">multiple times. </span> (I wonder, how many times do you have to get stuck to consider switching to showers?) His reputation is also weighty--as the only man to serve as both President and Chief Justice, Taft made a large impression on government and politics in early 20th-century America, much like the deep, buttock-shaped crater an obese man leaves on his favorite side of the sofa. True, his actual tenure as POTUS revealed him to be politically tone deaf and led to his humiliating reelection defeat--he only carried Utah and Vermont, making the loss the worst ever experienced by an incumbent President. And granted, on the bench he was a conservative who consistently ruled in favor of big business, executive privilege, and segregation. But schoolchildren everywhere in this roly-poly land still remember Taft. Cause he was fat. Really fat. Like Manatee fat. He was a big boy, is what I'm saying.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. William Jefferson Clinton.</span> Relating Clinton's fondness for food to his other appetites is a tired cliche, so I would prefer to put his pudginess in historical perspective. If Hillary Clinton becomes President, then Clinton will have adhered to the pattern of fat presidents have unusually large political influence after leaving office. If he becomes the only President to return to the White House as First Gentleman, his legacy will be comparable to TR's run for a third term, Taft's tenure as Chief Justice, and the Adams family dynasty. Perhaps there is a genuine trend here. Apparently fat men take to the halls of power like they take to an all-you-can-eat buffet. It's not easy to kick them out.</span></p>Drewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01380828909591225099noreply@blogger.com5